Disarming Read online

  Rye made it so hard, though. The way his presence sent shivers through me was irresistible and impossible to ignore. Sometimes I wondered if pushing him away would be foolish, especially when he looked at me with those steel-colored eyes of his. How could someone make me feel like an idiot with no words whatsoever? It made my chest arrest for a moment before I’d violently shake it off. No time for that. No time ever.

  “More ferals?” I stopped cleaning my weapons as I waited for him to continue. “Were they burned up?”

  “Yep. Not so many now, but a lot. They were lining the streets in heaps, like they had been pushed out the windows of some of the hotels.” His lips thinned into a firm line, making him appear overly serious. I sighed, turning back to sorting my blades out across the table I had set up outside. There were ten blades, all sizes. Sharpening and cleaning each one took time, but it was an activity I saved for days like this, when too much was tumbling in my head and peace avoided me like a plague. It was soothing and calmed my frayed nerves.

  I felt his fingers slip over my shoulders, giving them a tentative squeeze. My skin tingled with his touch, sending tiny sparks down my arms. I closed my eyes, and tried to control my breathing as he slowly kneaded my muscles, melting my tension away.

  “What do you think is causing this?” I flung my eyes open, feeling slightly dazed yet relaxed. I continued to wipe down one particular machete, the one that I had chosen to replace my two favorite and now long lost weapons. I had grieved the loss of those blades, lost over the precipice of the Stratosphere Tower. It helped me turn my focus back to the conversation before I became a stuttering idiot from his touch.

  “I’m not too sure. It’s the weirdest thing.” Rye’s hands slid away as he propped himself on a chair across from where I sat, his eyes twinkling as though he knew how distracting he was. “Who would go out at night to shove the wildlings out the windows? It’s suicidal.” He ran his hand through those thick, black locks that never seemed to stay put. “And it’s not like the windows are shattered. They look they were either never opened or shut after they did the deed.”

  “Hmmm,” was I could muster as I thought things over. I wouldn’t dare hang out in a hotel after dark. The risk of becoming dinner to hundreds of ferals was way too high. Who would be that crazy? The possibility of there being something else at work was unnerving, Despite the massage I tensed back up as I thought of there being another supernatural mutation out there. I really hoped there wasn’t; there was enough stuff already lingering in the shadows, craving flesh and blood. “Nothing else has been discovered out there? Footprints? Blood?”

  “No. Whoever is doing this knows what they’re doing, and they’re damn good at it.”

  “Have they come after any hybrids?”

  He sighed as he shook his head, his frustration painted on his face, making the knots in my shoulders tense up even more. “No, not yet at least.”

  “Well, that’s pretty strange. Not sure how to even go about seeing who is doing it unless….” The idea came to me suddenly as I stopped what I was doing and smiled, excited about the thought. “We could put night vision cameras out there, where there the feral pileups are occurring, and see who shows up!”

  “No electricity, remember?”

  “Duh! Battery operated of course.” I rolled my eyes at the obvious and returned to polishing my weapons. Sometimes he was so stuck in the now that he didn’t want to think outside his little box. Rye sat still, and I was pretty sure he wasn’t smiling. Guilt suddenly ripped through me for being so insensitive. I wasn’t used to apologizing, and I found myself frozen, my mouth uncooperative as I tried to voice an “I’m sorry.” Instead, only a squeak leaked out as I watched him stand up.

  “You’re probably right. I’ll run it past Blaze and go from there.” Rye readied himself to leave, tucking away the few weapons he had also been cleaning, and brushed off the particles from his clothes. I paused and watched him, knowing my sarcastic remark had rubbed him the wrong way. I longed to tell him not to go, that I wanted him to stay and chat some more. I loved his voice, the little gestures he made while he spoke. But I couldn’t. The words just never formed, and I didn’t know why.

  “Leaving already?” I mustered enough in me to ask him, jumping up and laying my hand on his shoulder. His warmth radiated through the material, enveloping my fingers and making me long to have his arms around me. Rye jerked slightly from my touch, and I pulled my hand back to my side. His face was no longer calm. A burrowed frustration lingered in his eyes.

  “Yes, I got loads to do back at the hive.” His solemn voice made my insides twist as I nodded, saddened but not wanting to upset him further. He gave me a wave as he said his farewells to my mother and brother. As he turned away and made his way down the drive, I let my eyes linger after him for a few moments. He was my best friend nowadays, but I didn’t know how to let him in. Even though he and I had felt an instant connection, I had put my walls back up straight away after the battle at the Stratosphere Tower, not wanting to focus on anything but keeping my family safe again. I didn’t know if he understood that. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing either. It felt forced and unnatural to keep him away. Even though my heart was being ripped into pieces, I didn’t have enough willpower in me to let myself love him completely. Maybe one day. But right now didn’t seem to be the time.

  I sat back down, exasperated, but tried to shake it off. I missed him when he was gone, but his presence sent me into a tense state that I didn’t want to tolerate for too long. I wasn’t sure what to do about it. I wasn’t sure I even had the energy to try and figure it out. If he was going to mean more to me, he’d understand. He’d wait for me, surely.

  As I twisted my fingers, I wished I could say I was certain of that.

  ~~~~~

  “APRIL.” HELEN’S VOICE shook me from my sleep. I groaned and sat up glaring at her with puffy eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” I mumbled.

  “I need you to come and help me.”

  I turned to glance at the red numbers on my bedside clock. 2:50 a.m. “It’s late, Mom. Can’t it wait ‘til morning?” I muttered, rubbing the sleep away as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. The cool concrete penetrated the warmth of my skin, sobering me up some more as I waited for her to answer. I was exhausted. I had a hard time sleeping as it was, without her interrupting it.

  “No. Now.” She waved for me to follow her, her face stern and impatient. Her dark brown eyes glistened in the soft glow of the security camera monitors. It sent an eerie color across her pale skin and dulled out the dark coloring of her hair. She was wide awake and had probably not slept a wink all night.

  I sighed. When she was determined, there was no telling her “no.”

  “Alright, one sec.” My hoodie was balled up on the chair next to my bed. I grabbed it and pulled it on, zipping it up with a forceful tug as I grumbled under my breath. The nights were still cool, sending a ripple of shivers down my arms. Hugging myself, I stood up and followed her to the back storage room.

  It was here that we kept extra food that we foraged: cans, bottles of water, bags of cereal, sugar, dried milk, dried eggs, dried everything. One end had a locked cage. It hadn’t had much in it when we’d first come here, just some empty boxes, a sink and a latrine. I wondered often if it was a makeshift prison cell. Who would build that into a shelter? I hadn’t thought about it too much at the beginning, but I did now because it now held more than that: a cot, a bottle of water and some stores of food stacked next to the cot. My mom’s blankets and pillow were thrown on it, and a box full of her clothes sat under it, making me turn toward her in confusion.

  “What’s this?” I hissed at her. I was cranky and her strange actions were driving me mad lately. This was going way too far. “Why’s your bed in there? What are you doing?” I waited for her to answer as she turned her cool, calm face toward me.

  “I need you to lock the door for me during the night.” At that she stepped into the cell
and shut the door behind her with a click. I stared, mouth agape. I was flabbergasted and stood in my place, confused and shocked. Her eyes gleamed at me, unnaturally shiny in the fluorescent light of the storeroom. I could tell from her expression that she was not kidding. Whatever she thought she was doing, she had to be off her rocker. I really hoped she wasn’t doing what I thought she was doing.

  “What? No! Why are you doing this? You’re not sleeping in the cage, Mom.”

  She was starting to lose her patience with me now as her face shifted to a darker shade of pink, flushing her cheeks as she stared me down. I didn’t move, frowning as she refused to come out of the cage. Her fingers curled around the bars, her face hovered closer to me.

  “I have to, April. While you and Jeremy sleep, I can’t. I pace all night and the smell….” She bit her lip as she let the bars go and backed away, turning to start her pacing once more.

  “What smell?” I asked. Curiosity had cooled my fury, but I was still seething.

  Moments passed as she refused to answer. I waited, knowing she would talk sooner or later. Letting out a long drawn out breath, she stopped her pacing and turned back with fear pouring from her eyes.

  “Your blood. I can smell it. Yours and Jeremy’s. And it smells divine.” She curled her fingers around the bars once more, narrowing her eyes at me as she stared. The darkness seemed to swirl in her orbs as my own widened in horror. “I might not be able to resist it anymore. You have to lock me up while you sleep, while your guard is down. I don’t trust myself any longer.”

  Her dark blue eyes blinked. A storm of malice tumbled into them, making my breath stick in my throat and my mouth dry. The small sliver of golden halos peaked from outside the blue irises that reminded me of the expanses of ocean I so dearly missed. No, oh no.

  I reached forward and pushed the lock together, heard it click and took the key out of its slot, my hands shaking with every movement. I couldn’t breathe, could hardly look up at my mother as I took in the weight of what she had said, what she so plainly had showed me, mostly without even a word. The question now was this: if she’s turning, what will she end up as? Feral or hybrid?

  “Thank you, April. Don’t open it until you’re awake and don’t ever leave me alone with Jeremy. You hear me? Promise me that.” I nodded at her, though I could not bear to look at her. “One more thing,” she added. “Promise to end it if it goes bad.” She paused, awaiting my answer, desperation written across her worried face. But no answer came. I shook my head, not wanting to hear her words. “Swear it.”

  I reluctantly nodded, closing my eyes which now burned with salty tears. I didn’t want to do what she asked of me. I wanted to turn around and scream at her that she could forget it. Why was this happening? The room spun and felt oddly suffocating. Yet I knew she was right and that I would want the same if the time every came. If the worst ever happened to me, I’d want the same. “I swear.”

  Helen settled down on the cot, taking a deep breath as she visibly relaxed. I did not, could not. “That’s my girl. Now off to bed; you look like you haven’t slept in weeks.” With that she laid down as though nothing had happened between us and pulled the covers over her slender body before turning away toward the concrete wall that lined the other side of the cell.

  I stood there for what may have been only minutes but felt like an eternity to me. I waited until her breath grew slow and even, until the silence became unbearable. My stomach was knotted up into a tight ball, and I doubted sleep would return after all that had happened. Time seemed different now. How it had come to change so much was lost on me. I had been tightly gripping the key to my mother’s prison, and it had started to hurt as it dug into the skin of my palm, probably nearly breaking the skin.

  How could this happen? Why? I couldn’t even think anymore. My brains were mush, and my head ached as I finally slipped away to my bed.

  Relaxing was impossible for the continued spill of tears on my face reminded me of the reasons that I tried not to look forward to anything now. She was right to protect us from her changes. The hunger would only grow from this point on. She had fought it long enough already, an internal struggle she had hidden well. I would have to get her some blood to feed on sooner or later, even if she were to turn into a hybrid.

  After everything that had happened, in the end I wasn’t sure if she would take the blood. Maybe she would choose starvation instead; she was capable of it. She would’ve never wanted to be this way. Even now, the withered part of her fought to stay. I didn’t think she’d try suicide, but things had become so uncertain, I wasn’t so sure anymore. I’d lost control over my surroundings so insanely fast, and it was all so unfair. Nothing I did fixed anything. It was a wonder I ever thought it could.

  Chapter Three

  Full of Wish

  April

  “YOU’RE NOT USING it right!” Miranda’s irritation slipped into her voice as it hammered in my head. Another headache had ensued and I wanted to stop our training session straight away before I puked. I shook my head and waved her away.

  “I’m not doing this today.” I dropped the katana to my side and glared at the beautiful hybrid who was now the closest thing to a BFF I had as of late. Her dark brown hair was pulled tightly away from her face, making her glaring brown eyes stand out brighter against her pale skin. She ventured outside of the hive quite often, but avoided a suntan as much as possible. I didn’t blame her, the sun made their skin flush an uncomfortable beet red as it began to cook under the UV rays.

  Unlike the other hybrids, the daylight did not scare her away too often. Her slight tan was evidence of that.

  “What is wrong with you today?” She snarled. My brooding was grinding on her nerves, leaving me to think she was close to stomping off.

  I shrugged, heading to put the katana away. We stood in the driveway of my bunker where the sun didn’t shine too much during the day. I didn’t want to be too far from home with my mother the way she was. Jeremy watched us closely from the sidelines, sharpening and polishing the set of knives I had acquired for him. “First things first,” I’d told him, “learn to take care of your weapons.”

  “It’s my mom,” I said to Miranda. “I don’t know what’s running through her head. She’s distant, different. Wanting me to lock her up in a cell at night. She thinks she’s turning into a monster.”

  “She’ll be alright.” Miranda’s voice was soft and comforting. “Turning takes a few weeks, but it will be fine. I brought her some blood,” Miranda offered, her stern tone fading as she remembered the reason why I’d be so out of sorts today. I’d hoped she’d understand but my mind was elsewhere. “She’s all set when the blood lust hits.”

  “I know. And thanks. I was going to ask you about that. It’s just, I don’t know what to think about all this.” I slipped down on the bench next to Jeremy, ruffling his hair. He didn’t protest this time but gave me a tentative look. “She never wanted this. You saw how she took to the blood transfusions. She damn near lost her mind when she found out it was laced with vampire blood. She’ll never drink it, if it comes down to it.” I let a breath out, hoping to loosen some of the knotted tension building inside of me.

  I was exhausted. Knowing what was happening to my mother locked inside her self-imposed prison was little comfort. I was only hoping that turning into a hybrid would help her mind mend from the torture she had endured at the hands of Christian’s hive. It was cold comfort to know he was dead at my hands. My only regret was that it hadn’t been long and torturous like he’d deserved for what he had done to her.

  Miranda came to sit on the other side of Jeremy. “Look, it’s going to be a bit rough in the beginning, but I’m sure she will be just fine in the end. It’s not hard to be a hybrid. Just takes getting used to.” She winked at Jeremy, who flushed as he averted his lingering stare to study the knives more intently. He had laid his small set out on the table in front of him and had been feverishly polishing the metal.

  I nodded, pulling
the hairband out of my dark hair, shaking it loose. It was growing longer and kept getting in my face when I trained. The last of the cool spring breezes were curling over my skin. Winter had been brief and mild, signaling that the summer was going to be intense with fiery, burning heat. I dreaded it with every cell of my body. The scorch would bring dry, sweltering air with the feel of sticking one’s head into an oven on full blast. The stench of the rotting ferals and their infinite disgustingness would increase with it too. It was unimaginable. Definitely my least favorite season of all.

  “I just can’t shake the feeling that something really bad is going to happen, something I can’t control in any way.” I shuddered, but it was more than the breeze chilling me. I liked having a certain amount of control. One thing about the end of the world is that control is never going to happen.

  “Nothing’s for certain, April. Not even tomorrow. We just have to hope for the best. It’s not much, but I guess it’s just the lot that’s been given to us now. I know it’s not comforting, and I wish I had more to add. I just try to see the light in every new day. If I make it through, hey, it’s great. If not, I don’t think I’ll be too upset. I’ll be dead.” Miranda attempted a half worn smile, half joking and ignoring how I stared at her like she was nuts. I shot her a twisted glare and shook my head.

  “Um, Miranda?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t try to make me feel better, please.” I gave her a stern frown, making her laugh out loud.

  “Sure thing, April.”

  “What’s it like?”

  Miranda gave me a strange look and wrinkled her nose. “What’s what like?”

  “You know, turning.” I picked the grime from my fingernails.