Breathe Me Read online

  How was I going to live without her? How? If I knew back then what it had really cost me, I would’ve never done it and would’ve held onto her with every ounce of strength.

  It was worse than dying. I’d lost her and shattered the one true thing I’d ever had.

  Chapter Four

  Piper

  Present Day

  THE SUNSET BLED through my eyelids, shining so intensely I needed to squeeze them tighter to blot its light away. Flicking them open, I let the golden-red colors splash across my skin. The warmth of it made the slight chill I had crawling inside my bones whisk away. Sitting on my porch chairs, I let the heat penetrate my skin to stifle the cold. Seeing Sasha at the fair had jolted my world off its axis in a way I had never expected. It left me lingering in my memories, like some horrid picture show replaying over and over in my head.

  How could I let him back in, especially when the reinforced steel walls I had carefully built up around my fragile heart since I’d been with him remained sturdy and bolted into place? No one got over someone like Sasha. No one was ever the same after a whirlwind love affair like that. I’d dedicated myself to that love until he’d thrown me out into the freezing.

  Sitting up, I gasped. A sharp, rigid pain jolted me out of my misery. Like my heart was breaking inside its metal cage, I felt it flutter in a panic. I slid back inside my apartment and down into a fluffy green couch I’d just recently bought.

  Breathe. Just Breathe.

  Rubbing the fatigue away from my eyes, I sunk down into the cushions, pulling one of the throw pillows into my lap, grasping it tightly as I curled my arms around it. I hadn’t even known him again for twenty-four hours, and he was already affecting me so. Paralyzed by his unknown intentions, I’d failed miserably at keeping him far, far away from me, like I’d sworn long ago that I would. This oblivion I was swimming in was driving me nuts.

  I flung the pillow across the room, suddenly filled with rage at Sasha. He’d been the one to break my heart. He’d been the one afraid of commitment and true love, not me. What was I supposed to do when he traipsed right back into my life without missing a beat? No matter how many nights I had prayed that he had paid a high price for hurting me, nothing had prepared me for this.

  Who did he think he was? He was nothing to me, nothing. I decided that I should just tell him to fuck off and be on his merry way. Too little, too late, get lost!

  Sucking in a deep breath, I paused, feeling a slight, soothing rift open inside. This was my chance, though. I could make him suffer, I could make him feel the exact same way I’d felt when he’d unceremoniously dumped me in front of his drunk, shallow friends. Maybe that was the reason why this was all happening. It was my chance, my one moment for payback I’d longed for all this time.

  Yes, that’s what it was.

  Jumping up from the sofa, I rushed to my room, grabbed my cell phone and stared down at the message that had prompted my self-loathing.

  Hi! It’s Sasha. Up for some sorbet? My treat. :-)

  Yeah, he was classy. Sorbet on a hot Vegas night. I was game for that. It was a perfect little get-together to kick start the plan forming in my brain.

  Definitely, the heat’s a killer! I texted back.

  I waited for his response, trying to squelch my eagerness to put his fire out. Running to my closet, I flipped through my vast array of dresses, tanks, blouses and then some. I finally choose an alluring ruffled camisole-like top and a snug fitted shirt. It was good enough for the nightlife if we went to a club. For ice cream, it was a sure fit.

  Pick u up @ 6, what’s ur addy?

  I cringed at the text speak, all shortened and so impersonal. Sighing, I texted him back my address and tossed the cell onto my comforter. I pulled out my black heels, glad they had a low heel, and hoped we wouldn’t be walking too much. The Strip was gorgeous on hot summer nights, but walking the hard concrete sidewalks could turn into torture pretty fast.

  Sweeping some make up over my face, I made sure to add enough to look striking but not overdone. I wanted to make him grovel. He’d be sorry he’d let me go all those years ago, more so than he’d admitted on the Ferris wheel. I’d given him my number, once again, when we’d parted at the fair. Joss had had more to do with that than me. She’d totally thrown me a curve ball by chatting it up with Sasha, making me give him my number before we left, even with me protesting the whole time. I’d groaned and tried not to yell at her after we’d parted ways.

  Oh, well. Maybe it was a good thing. Sasha wouldn’t know what hit him soon enough. Now all I had to do was play the part. Piece of cake.

  “WOW! YOU LOOK amazing.”

  I grinned, letting him into my apartment while I got my purse. I could feel his eyes watching me walk away, and it made a smirk grow across my face. I was pretty sure he was enjoying the view. Grabbing my purse, I spun around and threw on the highest-wattage smile I could produce.

  “Nice apartment.” He ripped his eyes away from me to observe the surroundings with great interest, making me wonder what he was really up to. “So, Piper, what have you been up to all these years? What do you work in?”

  Smoothing down my skirt, I took him in, fluttering my lashes in a flirtatious way. He noticed, his gaze meeting mine as we stood there in silence. He was wearing a light blue, short-sleeve button-down shirt along with a pair of black slacks. Dressed to the nines for the Vegas nightlife. I wondered if we were just going for sorbet or not. Maybe he was trying to impress me.

  “I’m an administrator at a hospital. I arrange aftercare for patients, make sure they have all the medical equipment and nursing care they’ll need before heading home. I’m a liaison with the case workers.”

  “Wow, they must keep you busy. Not very good medical care in Vegas.” His Eastern European accent turned thicker, maybe because he might actually be nervous or just really relaxed. I suspected he was nervous, which boosted my confidence in my plan.

  “Yeah, pretty busy. How about you? The county fair, huh? Does it pay well nowadays?” I bit back a snicker. Couldn’t have him feeling inferior quite yet.

  We remained standing in the middle of the living room, and I was starting to feel a bit awkward. I shifted on my heels and hoped he would get a move on.

  “Oh, nah, I volunteered at the fair for my cousin, Stan. He owns it and constantly needs help. I like to help him out when he’s in a bind for workers. It’s hot as hell out there, and the hours are long but, hey, it’s for family.” He peeked out the balcony doors, taking in the fading sunset and the gorgeous Vegas skyline. It was a million-dollar view and I loved it just for that. “Besides that, I own a couple of coffee shops across town, you know, kind of like Starbucks knockoffs, but with a more relaxed atmosphere.”

  I nodded. “That’s cool. What’s the chain called?”

  “Cup O’Dream Coffee Shoppe.”

  Biting my lip, I held back another snarky remark. He just made it too easy. “Nice. You said you have a couple of them? Successful I assume then, right?”

  He turned away from the window and walked up to me, his deep indigo eyes shining. “Yes, it’s worked out better than I could’ve ever hoped. The free Wi-Fi draws them in as well as the pastries. Made fresh, my mother’s recipes.” He held out his hand to me and I looked down apprehensively at it before I took it. “Shall we?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  He opened the door, leading us out. Locking my door behind us, I followed behind him down the hall to the elevator. The entire time, my heart had been fluttering, especially now, with the heat from his hand. It sent a thrill up my arm and made me want to shake it off like a buzzing bee. It wasn’t supposed to feel good. Well, maybe it was, but I didn’t want it to.

  THE SWAYING OF the fountains at the Bellagio was hypnotizing, sparkling brilliantly in the twinkle of the underwater lights. The classical ballet they performed for the onlookers was mesmerizing and distracted me from Sasha’s proximity. The soft spray of water hovered in the air, misting it in its cooling assault befo
re it dissipated in the evening heat. Everything evaporated in the hot, dry air of Vegas. It sucked the moisture of everything living in sight, and I was pretty sure the lotion companies were making a killing here.

  “Enchanting, isn’t it?” Sasha’s cool tone vibrated in my ear, making me turn toward him and almost bump noses.

  “It is beautiful, but I’ve seen it a dozen times.”

  “Still, you can’t say it isn’t a sight.”

  I nodded. “It’s pretty amazing.”

  “I missed the lights of Vegas. There’s nothing quite like it in all the world.”

  Furrowing my brow, I stared at him, confused. “What do you mean, you missed Vegas? Did you leave?”

  He nodded, still gazing upon the coordinated water show. “Yeah. Actually, I went back to my home in Moldova. My father fell sick, and I had to help my mother take care of him for a while. Hate to say it, but I wished he’d gone quicker. He just suffered so much, and I was there a while until he died.”

  I let my arms fall to my sides, feeling a bit uncomfortable by the subject. “What did he die of?” That wasn’t too direct, was it?

  “Terminal lung cancer. He was a smoker. Not many in my village smoked like he did. Still, it did him in and made for a long, miserable death. I was relieved when he finally passed.”

  I rocked on my heels. They’d already begun to ache from standing around. I leaned over the cement banister as the show burst into its finale. “And your mom? How’d she take it?”

  He let out a small huff. His laugh disguised the anguish he was trying so hard to not show. “She died not long after, bone cancer. In her lungs, initially, but hers traveled to her bones. Did her in faster than him. She’d been quite relieved when he’d finally kicked the bucket, though. She was fed up with his demands and attitude.”

  “Sounds really awful. Sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, I was glad I could be there for them. It was the least I could’ve done. I missed them, and seeing them at the end brought me a lot of closure. We rarely got along when I was younger. Hence the move to America when I turned eighteen. I do miss my brother, though. He’s still back there.”

  I nodded, turning back toward him as I leaned on the wall. The show was over, and the crowd of people had begun filtering out of the area. Voices filled the air, and the bright lights of the casinos on the Strip lit up the night sky. It was so bright, not a star could be seen over the halo created by the lights.

  “How ‘bout that sorbet now?” He winked, bringing a smile to my face. He seemed so much more relaxed now than he’d been in college, like he’d cut strings off his limbs and now could stroll along easily, without boundaries. It made me wonder just what had changed with him. Even so, I was alert to the fact that it could just be a façade, something he’d slipped on to put me off guard.

  “I think that sounds mighty fine,” I said.

  He held out his arm, and I slipped my fingers into the crook of his elbow. It felt odd, out of place, but made me feel like a lady. He’d never had such mannerisms before. I decided I was going to search out the reason for his transformation if it was the last thing I ever conspired to do.

  Chapter Five

  Sasha

  “HOW ABOUT THOSE choices! I had no idea they had every flavor crepe and sorbet you could imagine there!” The glowing lights of the Bellagio gardens lit up Piper’s eyes like soft caramel rounds. I was licking the small drips attempting to roll down onto my fingers from the waffle cone in my grasp. The lemon and cherry sorbet was amazing, and I tried to slow down as I ate it, not wanting to look like a pig without manners.

  “It’s pretty impressive.”

  “We’ll have to come back for breakfast.” My eyes landed on her lips as her soft, pink tongue carefully licked her ice cream, but she trained her eyes ahead. I remembered kissing her lips, soft and sweet, always willing to let me devour them. It sent a longing surging through me, and I bit into the cone to extinguish the desire. We were just leaving the gardens at the Bellagio, where Jean Pierre Patisserie was located. The variety and colors of the flowers were extravagant, especially with the small ponds and fountains slowly flowing and making trickling, gurgling noises. Though it was crowded, it somehow felt like the most serene place on earth.

  As we walked into the registration area, I glanced up at the glass flowers dangling precariously from the ceiling. I paused. The array of colors and shapes formed by the blown glass baubles was a sight, but I wouldn’t want to linger under the mass of glass art if there was an earthquake. Thank goodness there never really were any in Las Vegas.

  “Pretty impressive.” I stuffed the last of my waffle cone into my mouth, crunching it into tiny bits. I was pretty sure my cheeks stuck out like a chipmunk stuffing his face with food. Piper seemed to find it amusing and almost spit out her ice cream, quickly covering her mouth as a giggle slipped out.

  “You might want to chew some more before you choke.” She cleared her throat and pointed to her face, indicating I had a smear of ice cream on mine. Wiping the stickiness off, I couldn’t help but smile at her mannerisms, so proper yet still wary of things. She offered me her bottle of water, which I had just gotten her at the sorbet shop.

  “Thanks.” I coughed, clearing my throat before gulping down a few mouthfuls of water. Breathing in deeply, I focused on Piper, handing the bottle back.

  “Didn’t backwash, did you?”

  I laughed. “Nope. I promise.”

  “What do you want to do now?”

  I could tell she was hoping I had some sort of plan. I hadn’t been on a date in ages, let alone explored the Las Vegas Strip. I’d avoided it for the most part.

  “I have tickets for a comedy show. How about it?” Reaching out, I offer my arm to her, which she swiftly took. She was more comfortable than before, not so stiff and nervous. I liked that about her though, so apprehensive. I was looking forward to easing the leftover knots out of her body. I couldn’t stop looking at her. She was gorgeous, and her confidence made my insides burn with a lustful fury. Glancing down at her fingers as they laced through mine, a soft flutter in my chest momentarily made me forget to breathe. She still had it, that paralyzing charm.

  “Um, yeah. Sounds great.” She forced a smile and sucked in a breath. I knew she wasn’t yet sure if she was making a mistake or not by hanging out with me, but I was going to make sure I didn’t lose her a second time around. I was here to stay, whether she knew that or not.

  I gently pulled her toward the front doors of the Bellagio, and we made our way to the sidewalk where we waited in line to hail a taxi. Her curiosity was written all across her face, wondering where I was taking her. I was just as nervous as she was, my mouth dry as a desert, even though it now tasted of lemon and cherry sorbet. I hoped that after that night, I’d have more of a chance to atone for what I’d done. My self-doubt was already creeping into my mind before I’d even had a chance to realize it was there.

  “You alright?” I inquired. She was chewing adamantly on her lower lip, certainly losing her own nerve. I could kiss those lips for you, I thought. Make it all better.

  My voice pulled her back to the present as we slipped into the back of the taxi cab. I scooted in after her and told the cabbie our destination. Piper was already hugging her arms in the cold of the AC blasting from the vents, so I slipped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. She froze, not sure what to do about me putting the moves on her. Relax, relax, I mentally told her. I couldn’t afford to let her chicken out now.

  “Better?” I whispered, my warm breathe tickling her ear just slightly. She nodded, throwing me a small smile. In the dark of the backseat, her eyes shined, reflecting the flickering lights of the casinos. My gaze didn’t leave her face, and she let it linger a while longer. Her lips were the lightest pink and were probably still as soft as I remembered. Flashes from long ago, of kissing her, made me want to lean even closer to brush mine against them. It seemed to be flitting across her mind, too, and a soft blush warmed her ch
eeks.

  I tilted my head, bringing my lips to her skin, softly lingering on her neck as I placed a silent, tender kiss on the area right under her ear. My heart was racing, and I was pretty sure she could hear its thumping against her skin. It was no longer cold inside the taxi but stifling, and her fast, shallow breathes were not enough to keep the world from spinning. She shifted away, giving me a hard glare, stopping me in my tracks. But my hand lingered, gracing her cheek as my fingers slid down to rest on her hip bone. My other hand still embraced her shoulders, comfortably cupping her small frame. I was invading her space, but her skin was hot and smelled amazing. The calming scent of her perfume filled the air around me, like she was on everything I touched. I was pretty sure she could see the fear and desire flickering in my eyes. Surely we were both done for now.

  “Piper, you look even more beautiful than I remember. I know you still don’t trust me, but that’s okay. You’re worth the wait. You’re that amazing.” I pulled my arm from around her shoulders, leaving a cold draft where the warmth of her body had just been. I didn’t move away, though, but remained seated snugly next to her, our hips and thighs touching, pressed against the fabric embracing our bodies. “I don’t want to push in any way. I’m very patient, and I can wait. Until you’re ready, I’ll be right here, next to you.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered back, low enough so the cabbie couldn’t hear her speaking.

  Confused, I scanned her face as I calmly waited. “For what, Piper?”

  “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  “What do you mean? The comedy show? We can go somewhere else if you want.”

  “No.” She sucked in a breath and leaned back, letting her head drop, and stared at the dingy roof of the taxi. “I can’t do this. This thing you have in mind for us. I can’t do this.”