Keep Breathing Page 5

  I licked the small drips attempting to roll down onto my fingers from the waffle cone in my grasp. The lemon and cherry sorbet was amazing, and I tried to slow down as I ate it, not wanting to look like a pig without manners.

  “We’ll have to come back for breakfast, one day.” My eyes landed on her lips again. I couldn’t help it, they drew me in like magnets. Between them, her soft, pink tongue carefully licked her ice cream, but she trained her eyes ahead. I remembered kissing her lips, soft and sweet, always willing to let me devour them. It sent a longing surging through me, and I bit into the cone to dial back the heat, the satisfying crunch taking the place of my flustered desire.

  We were just leaving the gardens at the Bellagio, where Jean Pierre Patisserie was located. The variety and colors of the flowers were extravagant, especially with the small ponds and fountains slowly flowing and making trickling, gurgling noises. Though it was crowded, it somehow felt like the most serene place on earth.

  As we walked into the registration area, I glanced up at the glass flowers dangling precariously from the ceiling. I hesitated before walking under the massive display. The array of colors and shapes formed by the blown glass baubles was a sight, but I wouldn’t want to linger under the mass of glass art if there was an earthquake, and risk being smashed and cut to shreds by the heavy glass. Thank goodness there never really were any in Las Vegas.

  “Pretty impressive.” I stuffed the last of my waffle cone into my mouth, crunching it into tiny bits. I was pretty sure my cheeks stuck out like a chipmunk stuffing his face with food. Penny seemed to find it amusing and almost spit out her ice cream, quickly covering her mouth as a giggle slipped out.

  “You might want to chew some more before you choke.”

  She cleared her throat and pointed to her face, indicating I had a smear of ice cream on mine. She pulled out her napkin, smashed it into a tiny wad in her palm, and reached forward, wiping the stickiness off. I couldn’t help but smile at her mannerisms, so proper yet, still wary of things. I let her drag the rough napkin across my cheek. The tiny bit of her skin touching my face sent a thrill through me, and I drank in her beauty. She blushed, and looked away, then offered up her bottle of water as she cleared her throat and finished her cone.

  “Thank you.” I swallowed the last of the cone I’d been chomping, cleared my throat before gulping down a few mouthfuls of water. Breathing in deeply, I focused on Penny as I handed the bottle back. I liked sharing things with her. I wanted to share more than just a bottle of water with her. How could I make her see that?

  “Didn’t backwash, did you?”

  I laughed. “Nope. I promise.”

  “What do you want to do now?”

  I could tell she was hoping I had some sort of plan. I hadn’t been on a date in ages, let alone explored the Las Vegas Strip much since I’d returned from Moldova. I’d avoided it for the most part, burying myself in work and keeping to myself.

  “I have tickets for a comedy show. How about it?” Thank God for Mick. He’d launched himself into Cupid mode and dropped two tickets to the comedy club he moonlights at now and then, onto my desk that afternoon. He hadn’t said a thing when I asked him what they were for. He’d just winked and waved goodbye before heading out. He was a damn fool for happing endings.

  Reaching out, I offered my arm to her again, which she swiftly took this time without hesitating. She was more comfortable than before, not so stiff and nervous. I liked that about her though…so apprehensive, so observant and cautious with everything. I was looking forward to easing the leftover knots out of her body with my hands all over her silky skin. I couldn’t stop looking at her. She was gorgeous, and her confidence made my insides burn with a lustful fury. Glancing down at her fingers as they laced along my elbow, a soft flutter in my chest momentarily made me forget to breathe. She still had it, that paralyzing charm that had drawn me in so many years before.

  “Um, yeah. Sounds great.” She forced a smile and sucked in a breath. I knew she wasn’t yet sure if she was making a mistake or not by hanging out with me, but I was going to make sure I didn’t lose her a second time around. I was here to stay, whether she knew that or not.

  I gently pulled her toward the front doors of the Bellagio, and we made our way to the sidewalk where we waited in line to hail a taxi. Her curiosity was written all across her face, wondering where I was taking her. I was just as nervous as she was. My mouth was as dry as a desert, even though it now tasted of lemon and cherry sorbet. I hoped after tonight, I’d have more of a chance to atone for what I’d done. The self-doubt had already crept into my mind.

  Her silence was a bit unnerving, too.

  “You alright?” I inquired. She was chewing adamantly on her lower lip, certainly losing her own nerve as we walked. I could kiss those lips for you, I thought. Make it all better.

  My voice pulled her back to the present as we slipped into the back of the taxi cab. I scooted in after her and told the cabbie our destination. Penny was already hugging her arms in the cold of the AC blasting from the vents, so I slipped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. She froze, not sure what to do about me putting the moves on her. Relax, relax, I mentally told her. I couldn’t afford to let her chicken out now.

  “Better?” I whispered, my warm breathe tickling her ear just slightly. She nodded, throwing me a small smile. In the dark of the backseat, her eyes shined, reflecting the flickering lights of the casinos. My gaze didn’t leave her face, and she let it linger a while longer. Her lips were the lightest pink and were probably still as soft as I remembered. Oh how I wanted them. Flashes from long ago, of kissing her, made me want to lean even closer to brush mine against them. It seemed to be flitting across her mind, too, and a soft blush warmed her cheeks in the quiet darkness of the backseat.

  I tilted my head, bringing my lips to her skin, softly lingering on her neck as I placed a silent, tender kiss on the area right under her ear. I felt her shiver as my heart raced. I was pretty sure she could feel it thumping desperately against her skin. It was no longer cold inside the taxi, but stifling, and her fast, shallow breathes were not enough to keep the world from spinning.

  Suddenly, she shifted away, giving me a hard glare and stopping me in my tracks. But my hand lingered, gracing her cheek as my fingers slid down to rest on her hip bone. My other hand still embraced her shoulders, comfortably cupping her small frame. I was invading her space, but her skin was hot and smelled amazing. The calming scent of her perfume filled the air around me, like she was on everything I touched. I was pretty sure she could see the fear and desire flickering in my eyes. Surely we were both done for now.

  “Penny, you look even more beautiful than I remember. I know you still don’t trust me, but that’s okay. You’re worth the wait. You’re that amazing.” I pulled my arm from around her shoulders, leaving a cold draft where the warmth of her body had just been. I didn’t move away, though, but remained seated snugly next to her, our hips and thighs touching, pressed against the fabric embracing our bodies. “I don’t want to push in any way. I’m very patient, and I can wait. Until you’re ready, I’ll be right here, next to you.”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered back, low enough so the cabbie couldn’t hear her speaking.

  Confused, I scanned her face as I calmly waited. “For what, Penny?”

  “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  “What do you mean? The comedy show? We can go somewhere else if you want.”

  “No.” She sucked in a breath and leaned back, letting her head drop, and stared at the dingy roof of the taxi. “I can’t do this. This thing you have in mind for us. I can’t do this.” Her breathing turned quick, as if it was hard for her lungs to expand. Her blush swarmed into a violent red as she slid over even more.

  Sitting up straighter, my own desperation spilled over. I wanted to scream. Her words stung my chest like a hot poker. “Penny, I…”

  “Stop the cab, please,” she called out.

  T
he cabbie glanced at us in the rear view. His eyes darted from me to Penny and back again before settling back on the road.

  She hit his seat, not hearing me protesting next to her, trying to coax an explanation out of her.

  “Stop the car now!” she hollered, hitting the back of the driver’s seat again. The tires came to a screeching halt and she spilled out, not realizing we were in the middle lane of traffic. A white Caravan swerved away from her, its horn screaming in our ears as it barely missed her, and the car behind it also squealed to a stop. She dashed past it and made it to the sidewalk, a trail of cursing and threats echoed behind her. She stumbled away, holding her chest as though it hurt something awful. I scrambled to throw the cabbie some money and carefully hopped out of the cab to follow. Making it across the two lanes of traffic, still halted from her interruption, I hurried after her.

  I spotted her on a park bench and slowly made my way to it. The casinos loomed behind her, like vast giants about to step forward to crush us. She looked so vulnerable, so small in this big place. I was afraid that if I approached too quickly, she’d run, like a skittish animal. I paused at a street vendor selling cold bottles of water out of a cooler and tossed him a dollar for an icy bottle. I approached the bench, unsure of what to say. I watched her bend over, trying to calm the tight crushing pain in her chest.

  Damn those panic attacks. I hadn’t seen her have one in so long, I’d forgotten about them. Even in college, they’d sometimes hit her before exams and almost incapacitate her. Heck, she’d almost gotten herself run over and killed because she’d let it overtake her at the most inopportune moment.

  Like before, I felt helpless and just wanted to make it better. But how?

  “Breathe… breathe….” I could hear her whispering the words to herself.

  She coughed, letting the calm slowly work the knots out of her as it came wafting in. Her slim frame shook as she wrestled her demons away, her back softly rising and falling with each fought for breath. She was slowly settling, and I could physically see the blood rushing back into her head as she leaned forward, letting her long brown hair drape over her knees and dangle like a shroud.

  “Penny?”

  She didn’t look up, and I hoped she wouldn’t run away again. Had she heard me? Tears spilled from her eyes, and she squeezed them tightly shut. The tears dampened her legs, bare underneath her skirt, until they slid silently onto the sidewalk. Whispers sounded off as the crowd dispersed from around us, no longer entertained by her breakdown. I think she hadn’t even noticed them yet, which was good thing. One look up would send her into another melt down.

  I’d thrown them a challenging glare, sending the few who were still there, scurrying away. I was sure they thought we were both crazy. Wasn’t that pretty much every day stuff for a city like this?

  “Here, Penny.” I offered her the dripping wet bottle of water, condensation sweating from the cold plastic. When she didn’t respond, I bit my lip and dared to press it softly to her skin, hoping to shock her out of her trance. She flinched, and turned to watch the drops of water slide down the clear plastic and run down her bare arm. Luckily, she didn’t holler at me, but focused on it and slipped a hand around it as she sat up straighter. The cold had done it, pulled her back to the present. She took a few sips and calmed down even more.

  She glanced toward me as I knelt in front of her, slowly caressing her arms. She hadn’t swatted me away, which was a huge step, and the relief rushing through me made me want to laugh. But I didn’t. As unpredictable as she always was, I didn’t want to risk sending her running. Just watching her shiver, despite the stifling late June heat, made me want to protect her, steal all the pain she felt inside.

  I let my hand slip onto her arm, letting my fingers encircle her delicate wrist. I felt the goose bumps flare up under my fingertips as I did this, and I held my breath.

  Suddenly, her shyness returned, and she quickly handed the bottle back to me, pulling away. She wiped her hands on her skirt, and then rubbed away the mascara streaks from under her gleaming brown eyes.

  “I’m sorry.” She smiled weakly, embarrassed.

  “Don’t apologize.”

  “I get these attacks. They sneak up on me, and I…I...”

  “You don’t have to explain. I remember.”

  She pressed her lips together and diverted her eyes to study the passers-by for a moment. I said nothing, but waited quietly next to her. When she didn’t continue, I shifted my sight to land on the cars racing by. There were bunches of people who flocked on by, as though nothing had even happened and as though we didn’t even exist. That was okay, though. One thing I liked about Vegas was the way a person could stand in the thick crowds on the Strip and fade away. It was easy to disappear, blend into the faces of tourists, performers and families. It was the place to be someone, and yet be no one, all at the same time, if you wished it. You were forgotten within minutes, anonymity at its finest.

  I don’t know how long we sat there in silence, or what ran through her head as the minutes ticked by. I continued to offer her the water, alternating that with sitting back, and kicking my legs up as I relaxed against the hard wooden bench. I gently rubbed circles on her back, and traced the lumps of her ribs and shoulder blades. My heart raced when she let a small pleasurable moan escape her lips as she succumbed to the touch and let her head dangle forward again, closing her eyes. It sent shivers across my skin, and made me glad I was helping her relax as I watched the crowd ebb and flow.

  It was easy to blend in here, like we’d meant to be there, hanging out, completely at home people watching on the sidewalk. The many surrounding us, oblivious to who we were, passed by us without a second thought. The women were busy adjusting their tight, short skirts and swinging their long, dyed locks over their shoulders, and the men were running their hands through their slicked-back hairdos, dressed to the nines in form-fitting shirts and snug slacks which hugged their asses in ways I was sure was uncomfortable and restrictive. Maybe they were famous, maybe they weren’t. Who knew?

  I frowned. I hoped I was looking just as good to Penny, or I’d have to step it up quite a bit. I wasn’t twenty-one anymore, and I was a little beyond tight clothing. Still, I took care of my body, worked out and tried to eat right. It never occurred to me if I was Penny’s type anymore. Maybe I used to be, but what sort of man did she look for nowadays?

  “Just a little longer, I’ll be okay,” she mumbled. A tiny sniffle escaped her, but she didn’t make a move to run for it. The attack had come and gone, leaving behind its damage like a funnel tears a scar across the land and leaves piles of rubble in its wake. Only you couldn’t see the rubble of her spirit, her soul. No, it was covered underneath her pretty exterior, tucked away from the world.

  “Take however long you need.”

  At that moment, it was the best place in the world, that quiet oblivion, sitting next to Penny. It was enough and all I needed. In a way, it was healing to both of us. My quiet acceptance and patience seemed to baffle her. I caught her curious unbelieving glances as we continued to let the moments tick by. It only left me pondering what was going on inside her head. Pushing my own scattered thoughts to the back of my mind, I breathed in the city’s smells and felt closer to fine. She had just needed more time. This one moment of reassembly was a start. Good thing time was something I had plenty of.

  Chapter Nine

  Penny

  “WHAT’S THE BIG deal?” Joss flicked her wrist so fast, the hangers clicked as they slammed against each other. Shopping was a therapy for her. It kept her frayed nerves from driving her mad. I, on the other hand, could go mad shopping with her. It took her an hour to find one thing she liked enough to even try on, and then she’d force a shirt or an outfit onto me that I’d never possibly choose to wear and proceed to push me into a dressing stall. Yeah. It was like some kind of torture session, but it was the only time I could get her alone without Leah attached to her since the girl was at school. I needed advice, desperately
enough to endure one of these retail therapy sessions.

  “What do you mean, ‘What’s the big deal?’ Haven’t you been listening, Joss?” I groaned, hanging a hideous blouse she had just tossed in my direction back on the sale rack. I blew out a breath, frustrated beyond belief. “I don’t need clothes, I need help. Desperately!”

  “That’s for sure.”

  “Will you stop?” I shot her a deadly glare, but she waved me away.

  “Okay, Okay. So Seth’s back. From what I take it, he wants you back and badly enough that he’s willing to do whatever it takes. Still, you went out on a date with him, without preparing or letting me know. Bad idea, just so you know. You then embarrassed yourself by losing your nerve to destroy his heart the way he’d done you in and ended up throwing yourself into a panic attack, almost killing yourself in the process by running into traffic on the Strip. Right?”

  “Right.”

  “I told you, you need help. Seriously. Mental help, a.s.a.p., like a code red. Stat!” Her finger waved at me as she held out a hideous skirt, a tight teal pleather number that made me grimace.

  “Grr…. Thanks,” I huffed, rubbing my temples and ready to call it a day. “Pointing out what I already know isn’t helping. Please, Joss, throw me a line. What do I do now?”

  Joss sighed right along with me, making it more obvious as she overtly rolled her eyes. She returned the skirt and flipped through more ridiculous night club wear. She may have been a mom, but she was still young at heart. I think it was the only thing that had saved her sanity when her husband died. “Listen, I get that you don’t know if you want him back. But…really? Six years is a long enough time to hold a grudge. Let. It. Go. I say have fun, take it for what it’s worth. He doesn’t sound like the same guy who smashed your heart to smithereens. He could be overhauled and rehabilitated already, so give him a chance. If it doesn’t work out, hey, at least he was a fine piece of meat to chew on for a little while. Plus, it’s the perfect excuse to end your self-imposed celibacy.”