Breathe Me Read online

  I placed a finger on his lips and shook my head, finally feeling a bit more sober as I came up for air. “Don’t say a word.”

  His eyes lingered on mine, and I knew he was trying to decipher if that was a good thing or not. But he let it go and closed the gap between us, pressing his lips on mine. My mouth opened slightly to let his tongue explore, reciprocating in deep, hungry kisses as though nothing could quench the thirst we had for each other. Nothing less than intense bursts of energy filled me, and I’d never felt so wanted, so cherished.

  Sasha was the most dangerous man I’d ever met, and he had me under his power again.

  Oh, dear sweet Lord.

  I SAT UP, jarred and disorientated, seeing the blinding light of the morning sun streaming in through the slightly parted window curtains. I wasn’t sure where I was or how the hell I had gotten there. One too many cocktails from the night before were still swimming in my head, making it murky for several moments before I pushed it away and realized, with a growing dread, just where I was.

  Shit!

  I hopped out of bed and tried to gather my clothes off the dark maroon carpet. Who has maroon carpet? I collapsed back onto the bed, feeling my mind swimming while sparks shot across my vision. I had stood up too fast. Letting the blood return to my brain, I tried again, but much more slowly, before shimmying my clothing back on. Frantically, I searched for my purse, pulling apart the room to no avail. Finally, I pulled it out from under the bed and flipped open my phone to check the time.

  6:45am. I groaned and pulled my travel brush out, heading toward the master bath next to the room to quickly freshen up before I hightailed it out of there. Even the smell of bacon, which was deliciously permeating the air, didn’t keep me from locking myself in the bathroom and leaning back on the door, letting out a deep, groaning sigh.

  I had fucked it up. Not even a week had gone by, and I’d let him in, just like that! Just dropped all my defenses and let the enemy waltz right in through the gate so he could gallop around and have his fun, steal my precious cargo and traipse right out of my life once more. Not that I hadn’t had an exhilarating time, for my body ached in all the right places, and it was begging for more. This, above all else, made me groan as I yanked my brush painfully through the knots of hair, tousled from the night rumpus we’d enjoyed.

  I furiously rubbed the smeared makeup off, splashing it away. I also rinsed out my mouth before staring at myself in the mirror. Shaking my head, I licked my lips, still pink and puckered from being kissed. Kissed. By Sasha. I’d never thought I’d ever be doing that again. Even that delicious roll in the sack. It was disturbing how easy I’d let him in and how good it had been. I remembered making love to him in college, but it’d never been like that. Never so hot and sizzling. It felt as though my body would burn into ashes from the desire running through me.

  He’d left me breathless, and I could still feel those plump lips trailing down my body, down my stomach, and sending a pulse of pleasures which had heated me up to the point of boiling until it sent a jolt shooting down my thighs. He’d been good before, but now he was an excellent lover. He was no longer the young man I’d known in another life. He was a different kind of poison. The slow, scorching, addictive kind. I had to get out of there. No, run out of there as fast as my feet could possibly take me before I couldn’t leave, and my willpower waltzed out the door once more.

  Sneaking down the hall, the smell of bacon and coffee tempted me to forget my goal to slip out. A man who made breakfast was pretty out of the norm for me and caught me off guard. I’d dated my share of men after Sasha, but it had never gotten deeper than casual encounters and regular dates until I was bored out of my mind. Sasha had me scrambled to distraction, enough that I hadn’t noticed the steps echoing down from the kitchen until Sasha had turned the corner, plate and a glass of juice in hand. He came to a stop, and we eyed each other. I was pretty sure he knew just what I’d been up to.

  “I made breakfast.” He held out a plate piled high with pancakes dripping with syrup, thick, crispy slices of bacon and perfectly browned toast with butter. My stomach growled ferociously, betraying me in an instant. I was pretty sure he’d heard its complaints, too.

  “I hope you have some time to eat before you go.” He motioned toward the breakfast nook, sitting in the light of the bay window overlooking the city skyline. One of his eyebrows lifted, curiously, as he waited patiently for me to answer. I had been caught red-handed, trying to sneak out the morning after. I hadn’t had a good look at his house before heading to the bedroom last night. Now I had no time to.

  Okay, maybe I did have a little time for breakfast.

  “Wow, um. Yeah, of course! Smells amazing.” I plastered on a smile and nodded profusely. His face lit up as he turned and headed to the table. I sighed, dropping my stuff off by the door and joining him. Somehow I highly suspected he’d planned this all along, knowing how skittish I was. Why else would he be awake at such an ungodly hour?

  “There’s more syrup if there isn’t enough on there for you. I remember how much you loved it smothered.” He winked and grabbed his plate from the center, pulling himself closer to the table as he joined me. Watching him, I felt an odd calm rushing around and tingling my scalp, shooting down my arms along with goosebumps as I watched him cut up his pancakes and shove in a mouthful. It was funny how the tiny details mesmerized me, freezing me in my chair. The way his jaw tensed as he chewed, his dark blonde eyelashes hovering hooded over his sea-blue eyes. His rough fingers grasped the fork and stabbed at the food. His messy locks were sticking out in every direction. It was charming, intoxicating and yet familiar all at the same time.

  Following the line of his naked arms up to the sharp indention of his collar bone, I found myself etching every notch, blemish and curve of his body into my memory. I caught his eyes as they found mine glued on him, and I quickly averted them to the plate in front of me and madly started cutting into my own meal.

  “How is it?” He took a swig of orange juice and waited for me to answer. Managing a grunt with a mouthful of bacon, I nodded and squeezed out an unattractive smile as I chewed. Why do people do that? Ask questions when you’re clearly busy chomping on a meal? I chased the lump of food with some juice before I could answer him properly.

  “Excellent, thank you.”

  He leaned back and continued to watch me, focusing intently on me as he wiped his mouth. His goatee was smooth and well-trimmed, a few shades darker than the hair on his head. It made him look like one the male models in a Calvin Klein magazine, especially since all he had on was a pair of board shorts. It was quite difficult to not stare at his washboard abs as he moved to take his plate to the sink. Watching him walk away was no different. I practically had to rip my eyeballs away from him.

  I had to get a grip and focus on my plan before he distracted me any further, and I got way in over my head. I gulped down another bite and averted my eyes to my half-eaten eggs and toast. Somehow it was easier to breathe if I avoided looking at him. How does anyone even function being around that? I remembered him being sexy, but hot damn if he hadn’t morphed into a freaking Adonis since then. This was going to be way harder than I had initially thought. How do you game someone who looks like that? I was going to have to take a step back and make sure I had every inch of the picture accounted for, or I was going to fall flat on my ass again. I definitely didn’t want that to happen, and it was going to take all I had to keep from messing it up.

  “Listen, thanks for this amazing ‘morning after’ breakfast and all, but I got to go.” I moved to stand but spilled out of the chair as my ankle caught the leg of it. I lay sprawled across the floor feeling every bit of the bruise blossoming on my knee. I really needed to be more careful; I was probably still intoxicated, but I doubted it.

  “Piper, you okay? Here.” Sasha plucked me up off the floor with the ease of a body builder, his lean, muscular arms securely around my waist. “You probably need some more coffee and water. Dehydration s
tiffens the muscles.” He led me gently to his couch, and I slipped down onto the soft cushions, madly rubbing my reddened knees. He was probably right, but I hated that he was.

  He’d already returned from getting me a tall glass of water and pushed me to drink it all. I’d be rushing off to the bathroom in no time after this, but I’d prefer if it was back at my own place. Finishing it off, I stood up again—slowly this time—and made my way to his bathroom, brushing my hair down and frowning deeply at my less-than-flattering reflection.

  “Hey.” Sasha was leaning against the wall as I exited the bathroom, making me extremely suspicious that he was going to attempt to make me stay.

  “Hey, thanks for the food, I’ll see you later.” I turned and headed toward the door, where my flats were waiting. I slipped them on and managed to unlock the two bolts on his door before his hand slipped over my arm and down over my fingers.

  “Did I do something? I don’t want you to go.” His voice was quiet, causing me to glance up and peer into his eyes. Bad idea. His eyebrows crinkled, concern stamped across his features as he studied my face.

  “I can’t do this, Sasha.”

  “What can’t you do?”

  Flicking my eyes back and forth across his face, I felt my lips quiver. Something about him made me want to throw my stuff down and melt into his manly scented chest, like musk and leather combined, and lose myself forever. I was so stupid to think I could make him pay for what he had done to me. I’d never been one for revenge. How do you break someone’s heart on purpose? Hell, I’ve never done it, so how was I supposed to know? This was uncharted territory, a place I never wanted to tread in. That was not written anywhere in my agenda.

  I was the kind of girl who wanted to fall in love with an amazing man, get married, have his kids and live happily ever after. Somehow, that image had fractured. I couldn’t pinpoint when exactly I’d let my hopes and dreams warp into happy never after. I’d run from every man since I’d been with Sasha. There had always been one reason or another why they weren’t good enough. They’d do something to make me change my mind, or I’d make up a reason. No matter what, it was always something. Too good looking, too smart, too nerdy, too boring, too stupid, too… something.

  Who was I to judge so harshly? Who was I to think I couldn’t break hearts? I’d done it and hadn’t even realized it, over and over. To all those exes, however brief our tenderness had been, I’d taken their hearts and pulverized them before my clothes had even hit the floor, just so I could be the first to run. So why, now that I’d wanted to intentionally do it to someone, to Sasha, did I find myself frozen and unable to say what I wanted from him? Even if it was supposed to just be an act, I’d turned into a stuttering fool.

  “I don’t know,” I finally mumbled.

  His fingers traced up my arm until they met my collarbone, slowly touching the smooth, rounded bone jetting out near my shoulder. It sent shivers all the way down my body and I could feel the hairs standing on end, betraying how good it felt in every little pore. I pulled away, and the pain flashing in his eyes was overwhelming, too much to bear.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, “I really have to go.”

  “Here.” I paused at the single word, and he slowly deposited a set of keys into my hands, cupping them as if they were precious metal.

  “What’s this?”

  “I could drive you, but I know you won’t let me. Borrow my car. I’ll pick it up later, whenever you want me to.”

  Ripping my eyes from his, I nodded, swung the door open and ran down the driveway of his place toward his car. It wasn’t until I sat in the driver’s seat, cranked the starter, peeled out and pulled onto the main street that I realized I was crying. Hot, fat tears poured down my cheeks, and I made myself pull over before I ended up smashing into another car. I let them fall, splashing down my blouse and onto my skirt, leaving enormous wet spots all over it. My body shook, heaving out the hurt of every broken love I’d ever experienced. I cried for the ones I’d pushed far, far away without a second thought to why I’d done so. I let each tear drop for the ones who had gotten away and the ones I had shoved away.

  Last, but not least, I let my broken heart resurface and cried for the love I’d given Sasha so willingly, so long ago. I’d been satisfied having just a corner of his heart before, but now I wasn’t sure if I wanted the entirety of his heart or to run from him faster than I’d ever run before. I’d have to decide whether to take all of him or nothing at all. This game of breaking hearts was not one I could play anymore, but I had to be one hundred percent positive that I could live through the consequences, whatever I decided.

  Nothing ever seemed to get any easier.

  Chapter Nine

  Piper

  “YOU DID WHAT?”

  I groaned, Joss’s high-pitched voice echoed in my ear, and I tilted my head toward her, lips firm and ready to take her coming assault. Here we go again….

  “What were you thinking? You slept with him, and then you ran away like a frightened kitty when he makes you breakfast and treats you like a queen? What the hell is the matter with you?”

  “Yeah, I’m pretty nuts to not want to get my heart shattered again by my first love whom, might I remind you, in case you’ve forgotten already, smashed it to smithereens without a second thought. Pretty insane if you tell me.” I huffed, grabbing the remote to her gigantic flat screen, and aggressively started flipping the channels. Nothing good was on, nothing but daytime TV and overdone rom-coms recycling through the movie channels.

  “Okay, alright.” She plopped down beside me, making the couch shake under us. “I get that he screwed you over in college. But come on, Piper. That was years ago. Maybe he’s changed. I saw him at the fair. Definite improvement in the physical department, no?”

  “It’s not all about sex, Joss,” I hissed. I dropped the remote, letting it clatter onto the wooden coffee table. Huffing out a breath, I leaned against the back of the sofa, never wanting to pull my hair out more than at that moment.

  “I know that, but it’s a definite plus. You can’t tell me you miss that horrible dry spell, can you?” She laughed and retrieved the remote, flipping the TV to a long-running soap that I couldn’t stand and loathed with every cell of my body.

  “No, but still….”

  “But nothing. Look. He made you breakfast. He told you he’s sorry and was an ass and would do anything to win you back. Well, I’m sure he has his work cut out for him, but why not enjoy it for what it is? Come on, Piper! What happened to you? You’re no fun anymore.”

  “Hey!” I cried out, shaking my head as I jumped up. “You’re not helping.”

  “Sorry, but it’s true.”

  “I’m not fun? I’m very busy, by the way. I have a successful career, and I worked all hours to get where I’m at. Don’t forget it.” I paced the room, tugging on a strand of hair as I again let Sasha run through my mind.

  “I know, sweetie, but you need to have fun, too. Maybe that’s all this is, you need to learn to enjoy it, no matter what. If it gets to a better place, then so be it. If not, well, it was worth the ride. That’s all I’m saying.” Joss sighed, picking up the espresso coffee she’d just made from a home espresso machine, and took a sip. Mine sat cold, abandoned on the table.

  “You really think so? Just have a good time, and if he decides to be a jerk again, just brush it off?”

  She nodded. A mouthful of drink scalded her tongue as she waved her hand around. “Yes!”

  I made my way to sit next to her again, my eyes pleading as I waited for her to continue. “I don’t know if I can do it.”

  Her warm hands found mine, and her motherly smile emerged. Giving them a pat, she pulled me in for a tight hug. “You can do it. Just let things go. Let things happen. You can’t always control the world. Trying to will only make you miserable and paranoid. Just let go.”

  I sighed, inhaling the faint scent of magnolia emitting from her skin. I always found it weird how she got me all worked up an
d could just as easily calm me down.

  “Okay. I’ll do it. He’s been texting me all morning. Should I answer back? Should I wait and make him sweat it?”

  “Oh, honey, he’s already sweating.” She winked and took another swig of coffee. “Text him. At least he texted you right away. Adam didn’t even call the night after.” Her voice choked at the mention of her latest flame.

  My head snapped up, and I eyed her, noting the stilted sadness in her expression. “No… he didn’t? Maybe he’s busy.”

  “Maybe.” She shrugged and snuggled back against the cushions. “Aren’t they always? Too busy, working, hanging with pals… who the fuck cares? I don’t. There are manlier men than him, if you know what I mean. No one is too busy to text or call. Next!” A wink and her smile flashed back on, like a light switch flipped up once more, moving on like nothing could keep her down. She was like that, usually, nothing could darken her mood for long. Not after losing Will. Nothing could be worse than that.

  “Hey,” I offered. It was my turn to give her reassurance. “You’re right. Did you a favor and got rid of his sorry ass before you had to.” We busted out laughing until we were both hiccupping from the exertion. Afterward, the silence embraced us and we sat, calm and momentarily happy, just us two, like always. As we snuggled and listened to the drone of the soap opera, I always found that the one good thing about the soaps was that they reminded me how nice it was to be drama free. Maybe not completely drama free but compared to them, our lives were much more pleasant.

  SHIFTING ON MY feet, I peeked up at those indigo eyes which sucked me in each time I dared steal a glance. Wearing a pair of white shorts and a form-fitting black tank and barefoot, I waited impatiently for whatever he had brought with him this time. Oh, if only I could read minds, for I could barely stand the torment that passed through me while I waited for him to continue after he’d surprised me, showing up at my doorstep and declaring he had something über-important to tell me, something to confess. Well that gets just about anyone’s attention, and I’d been all ears.